I was wondering when you are going to send me that bottle of soda pop you promised me. Dost thou remember our little game of snooker? Of course, you do, old chap! You have the finest memory in the whole country of Buzdekastanopia! That's why you remember that my birthday is in two days...Right? You remember my birthday! Anywho, I was just sending you this telogramaphone message to request my soda pop to be that new "Root Beer" flavor that all the entreupenuers keep collamering aboot. Yes, oh yes. I am sure to be a hit with the ladies, now! They will be all over Jazmire Fortran Buntcake the IV! Oh, yes. Maybe even very yes. I am sure to be "cool" as the modern youngsters say. And to all Jerome Timothy's greatest fans out there, I say howdy-doo and Tyler, too! Oh, ho ho. I just find so much fun in taking current campaign slogans and changing them into modern greetings with which to have shenanigans. Oh, ho ho ho. Come come, laugh with me old boy...Harhar! Boy, it sure is taking me a long time to send this telygrompyhone, erm, excuse me, chap. There seems to be no eraser on this outrageous device. Pity, true pirt, what what. I must call the designers and show them their errors and flaws! So, until next time, Mr. Buttah, I bid you adu and farewell. I am off! Oh, and PS, I wish thee best of luck with thy hemoroids. Dearest Mother Butter has some creme she bids me to giveth thee!
Sincerely with great gratitude and a day of birth in two nights,
Jazmire Fortran Buntcake IV
This was the letter my friend Jazmire sent to me. How am I supposed to respond to this? Hmm...
Dearest Jazmire Fortran,
I believe that it was I, and not you, foolish weasel, that won the stupid card game we had on Tuesday. It wasn't snooker we were playing! IT WAS POKER! Gosh, you are so stupid sometimes. At least I know how to speyll! There were a millyon spellying errors in your letter! Flaws is spelled flawys. DUH! Oh, but since it's your birthday, homie, I'll be a little more respectful to you. I will buy you your soda. But root beer? COME ON! That's like the rarest delicacy in Buzdekastanopia! Where am I supposed to find that? Oh, wait. I forgot. I'm king of Buzdekastanopia. Well, then you should be getting me it! BOW DOWN! GIVITH ME 2 KAPUTNIKS TO WHICH I CAN BUY WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED. It will be perfectly right and a Christmas delight. Oh, how TransButtah loves that movie. Jack Frost rocks. Or as you would say, is worthy of its own vaudeville! Punk...
Peace and love from Buzdekastanopia's king,
You're not getting any root beer from me,
Maybe a cream soda,
Jerome Timothy Buttah
AKA
Trans Buttah
No comments:
Post a Comment